Have you ever caught yourself saying “I’m sorry” for things that don’t actually need an apology? I know I have.
For a long time, apologizing felt like a knee-jerk reaction for me, something I did without even realizing it, whether I was late replying to a message or just took a moment to rest.
I’d say “I’m sorry” to smooth things over, to avoid any potential conflict, or even to downplay my own needs. It wasn’t until recently, when I heard my son doing the same thing, that I realized just how ingrained this habit had become.
One evening, after a minor accident in the kitchen, my son kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over. He looked so small, so concerned, and all I could think was: Where did he learn to feel like he needed to apologize for every little thing?
In that moment, I was reminded of myself of how I used to apologize almost reflexively, as though being human was something to be sorry for. It opened my eyes to how easy it is to pass down habits like over-apologizing, even unintentionally, and how important it is to break that cycle.
Recognizing When an Apology Is Needed vs. When It’s Not
Apologies have their place. When we’ve hurt someone or made a mistake that impacts others, saying “I’m sorry” is an act of accountability. But often, as moms, we find ourselves apologizing for things that don’t actually warrant an apology.
We say “I’m sorry” for things like taking time for ourselves, for the mess our kids make, or for needing support. We do it out of habit, out of fear of judgment, or even out of a desire to make everyone else comfortable. Over time, this pattern can chip away at our confidence and make us feel like our needs are somehow an inconvenience.
So how can we shift away from over-apologizing? For me, it started with giving myself grace and remembering that it’s okay to take up space, to have needs, and to be human. We’re all doing our best, and that deserves respect, not apologies.
Teaching Our Kids (and Ourselves) to Embrace Mistakes
Watching my son say “I’m sorry” over and over that day was a wake-up call. It made me realize how important it is to teach our children and ourselves that they don’t have to apologize for every little thing. We can acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, and move forward without making ourselves feel small in the process.
Now, when my son says “I’m sorry” out of habit, I remind him: “It’s okay to make mistakes. You can apologize once if it’s needed, and then we move on. We don’t need to keep saying sorry for being human.” This message is just as important for us as moms as it is for our kids. We’re not failing if we don’t meet every expectation or if we need help. And we’re certainly not less of a person for choosing to take care of ourselves.
Practicing Grace and Letting Go of the Need to Please
In motherhood, it’s easy to fall into the habit of over-apologizing, especially when we’re trying to juggle everything. But here’s the truth: You don’t need to apologize for prioritizing yourself, for setting boundaries, or for being imperfect. We can show ourselves grace and model that same grace for our kids by teaching them and ourselves that it’s okay to be human.
Let’s stop saying “I’m sorry” when we don’t really mean it, and instead start saying “thank you” for patience, “I appreciate you” for understanding, and “I am learning” as a way to give ourselves room to grow. Because as moms, we’re setting the tone not just for ourselves, but for the little eyes watching us and learning from us every day.
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